When Your Boss Holds You Back

This is a hard thing to admit out loud, but it’s something I’ve lived more than once:

I have had bosses who held me back.

Not because I wasn’t performing. Not because I lacked ambition. Not because I didn’t “pay my dues.”

But because my presence made them uncomfortable.

Sometimes it was my network. Sometimes it was my education. Sometimes it was my experience. Sometimes it was simply the fact that I had visibility, credibility, and relationships that extended beyond them. And instead of being nurtured, that threat was managed.

If you’ve never experienced this, it’s hard to explain how destabilizing it is to realize the very person responsible for your growth is quietly blocking it.

When Control Masquerades as Leadership

One of the most confusing versions of this dynamic is when a boss steps into a new role and suddenly becomes obsessed with “doing things by the book.”

You know the shift:

• New title

• New authority

• New rigidity

What used to be flexibility becomes control. What used to be mentorship becomes monitoring. What used to be advocacy becomes silence.

The goal isn’t excellence anymore. The goal is proving they deserve to be there.

And when that happens, your growth can become collateral damage.

I’ve watched promotions stall. I’ve watched raises get delayed. I’ve watched feedback shift from strategic to subjective.

“Be more consistent,” they say—after you worked nights, weekends, holidays, and vacations.

Just keep your head down,” they say—after you delivered beyond scope, again and again.

The Pattern Black Women Know Too Well

In talking to other Black women in the legal industry, I’ve learned this isn’t just personal. It’s patterned.

There is an unspoken ceiling that many of us recognize immediately: Senior Manager.

That’s where it often stops. That’s where the praise plateaus. That’s where the expectations remain sky-high, but the opportunity does not.

We are told, explicitly or implicitly, that we should be grateful to have made it this far.

Grateful, even when our peers advance. Grateful, even when we outperform. Grateful, even when the ladder disappears right in front of us.

And when we name this reality? That’s when things get really uncomfortable.

When Telling the Truth Becomes a Risk

At one point in my career, I was reported to HR for writing a LinkedIn post about my experience as a Black woman.

Let that sit for a moment.

Not for violating policy. Not for naming my employer. Not for sharing confidential information.

But for sharing my lived experience.

What I later learned was even more telling: several other Black women colleagues had also been turned into HR for similar reasons.

Different posts. Same outcome.

That’s when it became impossible to ignore that this wasn’t about professionalism. It was about control. It was about silencing. It was about who is allowed to speak and who is expected to stay quiet.

So What Do You Do When Your Boss Holds You Back?

There’s no clean, universal answer. But here’s what I’ve learned, often the hard way:

1. Name the pattern—even if you don’t name it publicly. If you’re feeling stuck, gaslit, or constantly told to “wait your turn,” pause and look at the evidence. Patterns don’t lie.

2. Document everything. Your wins. Your feedback. Your shifting goals. Your moving targets. This isn’t about paranoia, it’s about protection.

3. Build power outside your boss. Relationships, sponsors, visibility, and community matter. Isolation is where this dynamic thrives.

4. Trust your body. If you feel smaller, quieter, or more anxious the longer you stay, that’s data.

5. Know when it’s not about you. Sometimes there is nothing more you can prove. Sometimes the ceiling is structural, not personal.

And that’s the hardest truth of all.

Why I’m Writing This

I’m writing this because too many people, especially Black women, are internalizing what is actually a systemic failure of leadership.

You are not imagining it. You are not “too much.” You are not wrong for wanting more.

And if your boss is holding you back, the problem is not your ambition.

It’s their fear.

Breaking rank doesn’t always mean leaving immediately. Sometimes it means seeing clearly. Sometimes it means reclaiming your voice. And sometimes it means choosing yourself, even when the system hoped you wouldn’t.

If this resonates, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to carry it quietly anymore.